Feature
Roots-finding in Taiwan
Rianne's Story: Finding Unconditional Love
2018/05/16 ,Opinion
Maureen Welscher
Photo Credit: Rianne courtesy of Maureen Welscher 
What you need to know
Rianne, 20, first traveled from the Netherlands to Taiwan to meet her biological family face-to-face in 2016. She had already established Facebook contact for a couple of years, leading to a feeling of genuine kinship.
This is a story from our feature series "Roots-finding in Taiwan". The full series can be viewed here.
Interview conducted by Maureen Welscher
When I was 12, I began to suffer because of my adoption. I wondered who I was and why I had been given away. Most poignantly, I contemplated my dual heritage: my mother is Taiwanese, my father is from Nigeria. You can see that in my looks, which confuses people.
When I was 15, I began to search for my biological family. With the help of Cathwel, the children’s home that oversaw my adoption, I was able to contact my biological family through Facebook and find the real story behind my roots.
My father was in Taiwan to learn Chinese. My parents met each other and fell in love. My grandfather and grandmother were against the relationship: My father is not only black but also a lot older than my mother. But my parents did not care about that, and my mother got pregnant.
A month before my mother had to give birth, my father was arrested for drug smuggling and went to prison for 12 years. He thought he could score easy money to support his family. My grandmother then made sure I was ceded for adoption.
My Dutch parents already had an adopted child from Sri Lanka, and my grandmother decided that I would be best placed in their family as I was less likely to suffer from discrimination.
A month before my mother had to give birth, my father was arrested for drug smuggling and went to prison for 12 years.
The trip
When I was 18, I went on a roots-finding trip arranged by Cathwel, which included a meeting with my mother. My father now lives in Nigeria and is not allowed to be in Taiwan because of his criminal record.
That meeting with my mother remains the most beautiful experience of my life. She wept uncontrollably, but I walked around with a beaming smile.
A meeting with my grandfather and grandma followed, which I was quite nervous about. I was afraid that they would not accept me because of my skin color. But my grandparents were very happy that they could finally meet me.
In the remaining two weeks that I was in Taiwan, I was introduced to many other family members. There were language problems but it still felt nice. It was the first time I met people who looked like me.
It was nice to notice how desired and loved I was in Taiwan. Everyone constantly gave me fruit and snacks, asked if I ate enough, whether I slept enough, if I was dressed properly for the cold. My family is proud of me – they introduced me to everyone they know.
All these years, I had thought that I would not mean anything to my biological family, but I was wrong.
Bridging the cultural divide
I returned to Taiwan last year. Due to my interest in my roots, I have chosen to study Chinese Language and Culture at Leiden University in the Netherlands. I can now make myself reasonably intelligible in Chinese.
However, when it comes to deeper feelings, my linguistic knowledge is not up to the task, which can be pretty frustrating. There are also clear cultural differences between me and my Taiwanese family. Sometimes I don't know if I'm doing something wrong [and] feel like I made a big mistake.
My family will never point this out, in line with their tradition. This ambiguity also makes it difficult for me. At other times they will make a blunt remark, but fail to notice when I take offense. Such moments make me uncertain.
I certainly see my Taiwan family as family, and they also feel like family. But “family” is a flexible term. It is not “home.” Home for me is that safe place where you can be completely yourself and where you don't have to worry about what the people around you might think.
When I am with my Taiwanese family, I still try to be the best and most polite version of myself. I get a lot of attention because of my looks, which I don’t like. Taiwanese avoid the sun and this starkly contrasts with the Dutch, who try to catch every sun beam because our weather sucks!
I see that Taiwanese are not used to colored skin and that they don’t like it. A lot of people stare at me when I am in Taiwan. I feel more Asian than African, but Taiwanese see me as an African girl.
I used to have so many vague, unfounded views about myself running through my head: I will not be good enough because I’m ”black”; My biological mother was young, so I will have been a “mistake”... Now I know it is precisely the opposite.
My parents wanted to keep me, my grandmother gave me up for adoption because she loves me, my Taiwanese family treats me like I am one of them despite my color. I now feel unconditional love from so many sides at once. What else can you ask for?
Read Next: Emma's Story: Surprising Encounters, Painful Departures
Content has been edited for clarity
Editor: David Green
TNL 網路沙龍守則
TNL網路沙龍是關鍵評論網讓讀者能針對文章表達自身觀點的留言區。我們希望在這裡，大家可以理性的發表自己的看法，並對不同的論點保持開放心態，促進多元意見的交流與碰撞。
現在網路上的留言討論常淪為謾罵與攻擊的場域，反而造成了彼此更大的歧異，無法達成討論與溝通的目的。
為了改善這個問題，我們希望打造一個讓大家安心發表言論、交流想法的環境，讓網路上的理性討論成為可能，藉由觀點的激盪碰撞，更加理解彼此的想法，同時也創造更有價值的公共討論，所以我們推出TNL網路沙龍這項服務。
我們希望參與討論的你謹記以下幾個基本守則，與關鍵評論網一起提升網路沙龍的品質：
- 尊重多元：分享多元觀點是關鍵評論網的初衷，沙龍鼓勵自由發言、發表合情合理的論點，也歡迎所有建議與指教。我們相信所有交流與對話，都是建立於尊重多元聲音的基礎之上，應以理性言論詳細闡述自己的想法，並對於相左的意見持友善態度，共同促進沙龍的良性互動。
- 謹慎發言：在TNL網路沙龍，除了言論自由之外，我們期待你對自己的所有發言抱持負責任的態度。在發表觀點或評論時，能夠盡量跟基於相關的資料來源，查證後再發言，善用網路的力量，創造高品質的討論環境。並且避免對於不同意見的攻擊、惡意謾罵言論。
為了鼓勵多元評論與觀點的碰撞激盪，並符合上述兩個守則前提下，我們要求所有沙龍參與者都遵守以下規範，當您按下同意開始使用本沙龍服務時，視為同意此規範：
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